using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
