Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
