Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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