she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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