Just took my morning after pill in the library
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
