I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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