He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
