Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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