somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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