Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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