Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
