When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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