she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
