So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
