Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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