check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He better not be in your backpack
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
