it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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