New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
