Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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