Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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