Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
