You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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