remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
