so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm having to shit out rocks
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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