i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
