What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
