I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize