Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
