can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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