My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
