went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
