I accidentally had phone sex last night
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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