I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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