we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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