So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
