i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
