i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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