she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
