my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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