Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
