When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
