I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
