Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
