so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
