i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
