the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
