Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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