just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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