It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize