im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
