I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
