sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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