The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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