So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Congratulations! We have a period
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
