Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
