sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
