I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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