sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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