True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
