Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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