best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
