i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
