I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
