The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
