my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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