i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
