kristin has been a bad kristin
even my farts smell like vagina
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
