I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
